conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
