Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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