hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you didnt know i had herpes?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize