Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
