he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
