What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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