I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
