I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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