Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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