Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize