You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
