ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
