theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
