i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
