I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
