Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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