Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
