The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
