me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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