His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
