Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
