I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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