is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
