i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
