K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
