What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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