i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
