Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
