I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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