the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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