drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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