in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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