the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
