just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
