if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
