dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
