I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
