I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
