I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
