You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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