My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And then he peed in my hair
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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