In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
