She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My vagina is very pro this idea
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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