i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
