Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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