Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
