ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
