Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize