it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
