Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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