I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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