you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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