Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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