Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
