hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
