you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
