I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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