Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
