I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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