just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
