That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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