I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
