smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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