Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
