I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
