i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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