Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
