I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
