I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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