Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize