The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
