If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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