Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
