Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
