Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
