I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
