there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
