I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
