yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
