this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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