WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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