I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
