Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
