does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
