Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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