you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
