what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
