i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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