Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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