Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
