At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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