your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
