Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There r osticjed everywhere
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
