Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
