I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
