someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
