did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
