She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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