Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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