just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
