Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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